I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize