His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
