Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
