The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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