Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
