Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
