I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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