The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
