Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
