Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
