He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
