If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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