Me too!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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