You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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