Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
