My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
