So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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