I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
