Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
