btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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