I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were destined to go to rehab together
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
