a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
