I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
