Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
