I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
