I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
