then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
