I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
