All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
