My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
