He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
