Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize