We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
