Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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