apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
