Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
