I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
