Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
