I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
