i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
