i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
