If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize