I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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