hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
