i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
