i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
