does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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