I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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