im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
