Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
