Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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