I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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