So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
