You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
