And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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