my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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