do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
