I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
