if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
