So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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